At church we have been talking about the Stations of the Cross. It is something I have not ever been exposed to since I didn’t grow up in a liturgical denomination. But they really help you focus on what Jesus did for us at Easter and make you ponder why. Chris asked us to take these and make them our own, to ponder them, to interpret them, and then to share.
Ever since I found out I was pregnant with Aubrey, I became somewhat fascinated with Mary, the mother of Jesus. Knowing that she surely went through everything I was, the backaches, the swollen feet, the nausea, the cravings… it humanized her. She wasn’t just an icon I see in a church, her holy face calm and serene. She wasn’t the expressionless pictures we see in early art, holding her perfectly still child.
Yes, she was holy. Yes she was favored of the Lord. Her experience as a young, pure virgin girl becoming pregnant is something that I want to give more thought to. Imagine the embarrassment of people in your village talking about you, calling you a whore, questioning your betrothed as to why he would even think about linking himself to you.
Imagine being 8 months pregnant, riding on a donkey miles away to have your baby, whom you know is begotten of God, in a stable. I look back on the birth of Aubrey and cannot imagine it any different… the checking in, the needles, the pain, the rest, the suddenness, and then there she was. Mary didn’t have it so easy. She had some blankets instead of that nifty birthing bed, she had cousins or servants instead of an obstetrician and 3 different nurses, she had someone’s hand to hold in the pain instead of an epidural… and then, after all the labor and giving birth, instead of seeing the nurses clean her baby and put him under a warmer while she rested from the ordeal, she wrapped him in clothes and laid him in a donkey’s feeding trough. Then, I am sure she cried at wondering why, if she was bearing the Son of God, did she have to beg for a STABLE to give birth in, why, if she was bearing the Son of God, did she have to lay Him in a manger?
Imagine, right after giving birth, having a bunch of strangers burst into your room. and then suddenly, they gave her the sign, the answer to her question. “Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
”Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”
They worshipped the Messiah, a little baby laying there, probably with a dirty diaper, or crying or eating from his mother…
Imagine 3 great men, dressed in their wealth, bringing your infant son gold, frankincense and myrrh.
When I think of what Mary must have felt then, it is overwhelming. Yet, she knew that this was no ordinary child, no ordinary birth, from no ordinary baby-making activity. I am sure she remembered the angel coming to her as clearly every day as it was on that day.
I look back to my first months with Aubrey, being in awe of her, falling in love with her and getting used to being a mother. I wanted to protect her from everything bad, I wailed right there along with her when she got her shots, I did everything I could to make her happy. I am sure Mary did the same thing for baby Jesus.
Imagine, though, her confusion when her husband wakes her up in the middle of the night and says, we have to go. NOW. Fleeing to a foreign land, and finding out later that every other mother like herself was not spared the evil and the horror of having their sons ripped from their arms and murdered. If I was in Mary’s place, I would have felt such guilt and responsibility. I would have been haunted by it. But I am sure she knew… her day of suffering would come.
I think what it must be like to see your child grow up, knowing they are destined to save the world. I probably would have tried to keep Him a child as long as I could… to teach and love Him, to hold Him and kiss Him, to always be his mother. I would have been proud as He grew into a great carpenter like His dad, I would have been proud as He learned and studied and taught others. I wonder how she handled the questions that He must have had when He started to figure out who He truly was.
Jesus in His adult life became quite the phenomenon. As his mother, I would have been amazed at His popularity, His miracles, His teachings. I would have always been His mother. I probably would have worried about where He would sleep and what He would eat when he was on the road. She must have known He was holy, but she had to have also seen him as a man. A human. She must have known that He would save us all, but that it would come at a price. What an difficult thing to wrap my mind around!
And what must it have been like for Mary… to see her only, holy, beloved son begin the path to his death. To be helpless, to know that it must happen. He can’t escape the wrath of someone who fears him twice.
These are the stations of the cross from Mary, mother of Jesus’ view:
- Jesus is condemned to death. Mary His mother sees the frenzied crowd, the anger, the desire for blood. Her son’s blood.
- Jesus carries his cross. Mary His mother knows He is strong from His work and travels, but after lashes with a whip and hunger and thirst… how will my son be able to carry His own tool of execution?
- Jesus falls the First time. Mary his mother gasps as she sees Him fall to the ground. She fights every motherly instinct in her to go to Him, pick Him up, kiss His face and make it right. This is what must be.
- Jesus meets His Mother. Mary His mother looks into His face. She cries and says “I love you” and prays for His suffering to be over. He keeps going, thought I am sure he wanted to do what He could to stop her crying.
- Simon the Cyrenian Helps Jesus carry His Cross. Mary His mother is grateful for some relief for Her boy… but the journey to the hill still continues.
- Veronica wipes the face of Jesus. Mary His mother is again grateful for someone who can reach Him to comfort Him in any small way.
- Jesus falls the second time. Mary His mother knows His strength is weakening and wishes for it all to be over.
- Jesus speaks to the women. Mary His mother is amazed that even in this time of His great pain, He thinks of them instead of accepting their grief for Himself.
- Jesus Falls the third time. Mary His mother wonders how much more her son can take… my son, please… get up! I want to make it better…
- Jesus is stripped of His Garments. Mary His mother feels His shame and realizes that He is the sacrificial lamb… stripped of any impurity and sin.
- Jesus is Nailed to the Cross. Mary His mother cries, can barely look at her baby boy, for Her will always be that to her, up on a cross like a criminal. Even in this time she hears Him forgiving and loving others.
- Jesus dies on the cross. What else can Mary His mother do but wail and faint with grief? Her Son is dead.
- Jesus is taken down from the Cross. Mary His mother feels some relief in being able to hold Him, dress Him, and bury Him.
- Jesus is laid in the Tomb. Mary His mother prays for rest for Her son, and awaits what she must surely know is coming… the end of the story. Because her putting her Son in that tomb was NOT THE END!
