So for the past 3-4 weeks Miss Cat has decided that she doesn’t want to sleep at night. She usually wakes up at 12, 2 and 6. Ryan and I have been taking turns getting up with her, checking her diaper, feeding her and rocking her back to sleep. But she will still wake up 2 hours later, just screaming. This has gone on and on and it is really wearing on us. Ryan gets up at 5:45 every day to do breakfast at the school and I get up at 6 in order to get myself ready, feed and dress Aubrey, take her to daycare and get to work by 8. I am normally good with the morning routine, and I usually get to work right on time if not a little early. The past week or so I have been lagging because we haven’t been sleeping. Its hard to get into that restful state of sleep when you are jolted awake every two hours by a piercing scream. I have stopped using the monitor because I would get up at every little noise. I have tried feeding her more later at night, I have tried putting cereal in the bottle at night, I have tried keeping her up later, I have tried reducing her naptime (well I asked the babysitter to do this during the day… 3 hour naps seemed like a little much, I dunno, is it?)… I feel like I have tried everything!
Everything, that is, but letting her cry. We are both guilty of not wanting to do this. It really is heartbreaking and I don’t know if any of you have seen Aubrey cry, but she has the biggest crocodile tears you have ever seen. Its pitiful. Well last night after getting up three times, number 4 had us very irritated. We stumbled out of bed and tried to shoosh her. She proceeded to try to crawl out of her crib and wailed so much she started sounding hoarse. I got her some water in her cup which she threw across the room. She was holding her little arms up to me just wanting me to pick her up. But before I could, Ryan told me he would take care of her and that I should go to bed. He talked to her but didn’t pick her up and the crying was too much. I started crying. She finally fell asleep after about 15 minutes and woke up again at 6:45, so at least I got to get ready for work.
What am I doing wrong? Why can’t she just sleep? She’s gotta be exhausted, I googled some stuff and it said she is supposed to be getting 13-14 hours of sleep a day. She got 7 very disjointed hours last night plus a 2 hour nap during the day. But if I let her sleep too long during the day she won’t go to sleep until 10 or 11, and that just won’t do because Mama has to work, unfortunately.
I feel so guilty for letting her cry, I feel so guilty that she is even crying in the first place. Like, if I stayed home with her she would be more secure in knowing that I am here, I am not going anywhere, don’t be scared, and her life would be so much more uninterrupted. I hate having to work. I hate having to pay someone else to take care of my child. I hate it that she is jumbled around so much. I hate it that I can’t be a good housewife and mom and instead sit on my butt in front of a stupid computer all day while someone else is playing DHS-approved games with my kid.
Internet, please help me. Maybe there is something I haven’t tried. Or maybe I need to start buying lottery tickets so we can afford for me to stay home. Or maybe I need to get over my built-in need for mommy-ness and just deal with the fact that we can’t live on one paycheck. I hate not feeling like I can do this well, I hate vowing never to have another kid because I can’t even deal with what I juggle right now. I hate falling asleep at my desk and I hate not having energy to take my daughter on a walk when I get home from work.
Any advice?
Good for you for not letting your baby cry! It’s so damaging, both physically and mentally, the unquestionable evidence is out there.
Do you have a family bed? I can’t imagine myself having to actually move when any of my four woke in that first year or two of their lives. Cuddling next to you is safe, recommended, and will enable you to go right back to sleep. You may find that baby wakes less, and eventually will sleep through the night.
And no, you won’t be sleeping with your middle schooler. Anyone that says “they’ll never leave the bed” has never lovingly co-slept.
I don’t know the age of your baby, but if she’s not rolling yet, have you tried tummy sleeping? Most babies don’t sleep well on their backs, it can aggravate gas and reflux and make the startle reflex worse. If your baby isn’t a tummy sleeper already, I’d give that a go.
I had four tummy-mama’s-bed sleepers and we had very peaceful nights. Good luck!
Well, I don’t have kids, but I do work with them a lot. I think she’s gotten stuck in a cycle of sleeping/waking and now she’s waking up out of habit. Plus, she knows you’ll come running if she screams, so why not get what she wants?
As hard as it may sound, you may have to let her cry for a few more days. Old habits are hard to break, but you need to break this one early or you’ll really regret it when she’s older.
By the way – is she eating real food yet? Maybe she’s also waking up because she’s still hungry?
Let me know if I can help… I’m available to baby-sit if you need a break!
aww friend. That really sucks. It’s not your fault, if you were able to be home, she would still be going through this. I don’t have any advice for ya, but I will just say I’m available to listen when you need to vent. I hope you find something that works. That has to be tuff to listen to her cry.
I actually tried co-sleeping when I was breastfeeding and it made me get even less sleep than before. She is over a year old and moves and kicks a lot, plus we have a queen size bed so co-sleeping isn’t an option. I never really wanted to do that though. I want her to learn to self-soothe but the crying it out is hard.
I appreciate the advice though! I have heard from several other women who say the Ferber method worked great for them and their children show no signs of damage or feeling unloved. We’ll see how tonight goes. I just feel like in some way I am letting her manipulate me… but then I want to be there for her.
Good Lord, if I feel like this now what’s it going to be like when she is a teenager?!
BTW, she isn’t eating a lot of solids yet and I am sure that has something to do with it. I have a feeling its going to be a long few months til those teeth get in, she learns to use them and I grow a pair.
You should totally call the Chitwoods and talk to Dena. I’ve been babysitting Zachary for 3 years and he’s only cried once. When he was a baby I had no trouble putting him to bed – he cried for maybe 5 minutes and then he was fine. I’m not sure what she did, but it worked. I bet she’d have some good advice for you!