As I was perusing Twitter earlier, I saw a tutorial from the creative mind over at Pineapple Lily on how to do fabric rosettes. They are so easy and fun! I have to admit, I am a little obsessed with them now. I’ve made like 6 today. I had a bunch of scrap fabric in the closet, so I figured I’d try making a cloth “wallet” to hold all the business stuff. I started sewing it by hand ,but got frustrated (wish I had a sewing machine!) so I hot glued it I wish I had taken pictures of the process, but here is the finished product. Since I took a short cut, I have no idea how long it will be before it falls apart, but I put a piece of posterboard in it to keep it sturdy. I am pretty happy with how it came out- it look super cute and it keeps everything I need for the business in one place.

In this case, I am glad I was too cheap to go out and buy a new wallet- this was fun to make and free!

Carrie over at Coupon Closet feeds her family of SEVEN on $200/month! She has a lot of recipes on her site and they are easily adaptable to include fresher ingredients. I love that she has the same love affair with her slow cooker as I do, and this recipe she posted is a WINNER! It’s easy, cheap and healthy, plus it tastes great and my kids devoured it. That couponing post is coming soon, I promise.

I got a GREAT deal on hormone-free, all natural chicken a couple of weeks ago with my coupons the other day. It was about 4 chicken breasts for around $1.50. Sweet! I usually buy my chicken at the Farmers Market, but we have been going to the lake a lot this summer and I am not always in town to buy it, so this was a good alternative. I thawed those out and made my assembly line: 1/8 cup of soy sauce, a 6 oz can of crushed pineapple (left over in the pantry), whatever was left of a fresh pineapple I had cut up (about a cup), and the chicken.

Her recipe calls for 20 oz of  canned pineapple but you could probably do 2 cups of fresh pineapple and it would work the same. I tossed it all in the slow cooker, added some water to mix it all together, and sprinkled the top with some garlic powder. 6 hours on low later, we had dinner! I served it with green beans and brown rice. Delicious! SO EASY! And it cost about $3 for the whole meal, thanks to the great deal I got on the chicken! I have enough left over that I can toss it with some avocado and cilantro in a whole wheat tortilla tomorrow for lunch! Yum! Buen Provecho!

Speaking of, yes, Aubrey is in my bed. I used to be VERY anti when it comes to kids in the bed with you, but she’s old enough now that I can move her to her own bed when Ryan gets home and it’s not an ordeal. He just works so much that it’s nice to have someone to talk to before I fall asleep, even if it is about Dora as a mermaid.

That makes me sounds so lonely and pathetic. Truth is, sometimes I feel that way. But who doesn’t? I don’t know anyone who is completely confident 100% of the time. I follow the blog of a missionary in Latin America- I don’t even know this lady, but she’s funny and real and a great writer. She recently posted about friendship and how hard it is to make true friends where she lives. It hit me hard, ya know? It’s sort of been a rough go with friendships this year. I have plenty of awesome people in my life, and plenty of things to fill my days… so why do I feel lonely so often? Even though it kind of sucks, it’s good to realize that you need people. It’s good to know that we aren’t created to do it all alone. I miss those friendships where you don’t have to try so hard- the kind where you can plan a playdate and not race around to have your house perfect or your makeup done before they get there. The kind where you can just talk and share while your kids play. I have a couple of those in my life, I’ve lost some, and some have moved away. The point is, I’ve realized a lot about relationships this year and I hope it’s making me become a better person, friend, wife and mother.

Enough about that depressing stuff. I sound like a loser! LOL maybe I am. This is why I don’t let myself just blog for the hell of it.

So… I started working out again. Back in January, when I was battling post partum depression, there was only one thing I looked forward to… one thing that perked me up enough to drag myself out of the house- Zumba. I’d spend all day in the house, crying, yelling at my kids, feeling alone and trapped… but as soon as Ryan got home and I could go work out, I felt free. It’s funny, because I hate working out. I hate sweating. It’s so gross. But I feel so great afterwards. It’s a time of silence, or, if I choose, the one time I can put Beyonce on repeat and not have anyone roll their eyes at me. That sounds so bad, I have good kids and shouldn’t have wanted to escape so badly. But it was me, not them. And at least I was escaping to do something good for myself. Anyways, then we opened our snow cone stand and life got so crazy and busy that I stopped going and gained back the 12 pounds I had lost. Lame. But now things are winding down and I have made time to work out again- Love it!

One of the main things I am doing besides going to Zumba whenever I can squeeze it in (I am seriously considering buying the Wii game- anyone have it? Like it?) is Couch to 5K. I’ve seen plenty of friends doing it on Facebook and posting their latest progress, but I have always loathed running so I skipped over those. Now, though, since Tristan won’t go into any sort of childcare without giving himself a heart attack, I had to figure something else out. Running is something I can do in the morning before anyone else wakes up… before it gets deathly hot out, too! It’s peaceful out there that early. I actually have time to hear the birds tweet and smile at my neighbors. You know those lawns you pass that look perfect all the time and you are like, how, HOW do they do it? Yeah, it’s because they are up at 6 am, weeding and watering and preparing the soil for the day. A good lesson to take home with you. It ain’t gonna grow if you don’t nurture it a little, ya know?

So who knows? Maybe I’ll become a runner one day. Maybe I’ll finally lose all the baby weight from my first child FOUR YEARS AGO. Maybe I’ll get to know my neighbors a little better. If nothing else, it’s a good way to start my day and I don’t dread it at all.

I feel my jumbled thoughts slowing down. This is good. Maybe I will be in bed by midnight! I know you are snoozing away if you even made it this far into the post.

Ah. It’s EFFING HOT here in Oklahoma. It’s been over 100 degrees for like, an eternity. Someone told me today that it’s going to be like this for another 30-40 days. Are you kidding me?! Gross. Aubrey will be wearing her bathing suit to trick or treat in! Anyways, I bring up the weather not because it’s such a great conversation starter, but because I have an Etsy shop. I make things. Things made of yarn. Yes, of the winter accessory nature. See how this is going? I have to stock up on products for the fall and I am doing a couple of craft shows, so I need an inventory to sell. It’s just, who wants to sit down and crochet something to be worn in the winter when it’s 109 degrees out? Not me, but I chug along anyway. Crocheting is so calming and it’s fun to have something cute to show for my efforts. So I’ve been doing that a lot lately, and look forward to the day it cools down enough for someone to be able to picture themselves wearing one of my items that doesn’t involve the hot breath of Satan (aka a windy August day in Oklahoma).

Victory! I just yawned. I have a friend who blogs whatever comes to her mind, whether it’s something really deep and spiritual or just a fun top ten list. I love that about her. I get to peek inside her head on those random posts. I think I’ll start doing this more. For now, though, I’ll go peel the contacts off my eyeballs and snuggle up to Aubrey. Ryan will come home soon and put her in her bed, where she’ll snuggle up to Dora the mermaid and sleep until 10 am. I’ll be up 4 hours before her, feet hitting the pavement and trading smiles with a stranger.

Good night!

For now, though, I have to share what the past 3 months have held for my children and sum it up with a bunch of pictures.

Tristan,

In the past three months you have really let your personality shine through. You ADORE your sister and she adores you right back. I know the day is coming when you guys will fight and steal each other’s toys, but I also see the bond that you share and it warms my heart to know that my children will always be there for each other. At least, that is my hope. You are crawling everywhere, pulling up on everything and have earned the nickname “Tristan the Destroyer”, reserved only for my very frustrated moments after a deep clean ruined by an emptied trash can down the hallway. You have flirted with the idea of walking, but you don’t really have an interest in trying it on your own. You’ll walk with some help from our fingertips and stand up on your own for several seconds, but if we try to work with you on walking, you usually just sit your sweet little cloth diapered butt down and look at us as if we were insane.

In the past three months you turned one and we had a really fun party for you. I thought for sure that you would dive into your birthday cupcake without hesitation because when it comes to being messy, you are the opposite of your sister… but you cried your little head off. I think it was more from everyone staring at you than the fact that you had frosting on your hands. You have 4 teeth now, and two that are trying very hard to poke out. I love your two front teeth- they are the biggest little buck teeth and have a big gap in the middle. Aubrey’s were the same and they will come together, but I think it’s adorable right now. The only problem with teeth is that you like to bite everything… including my legs. You also like to chew on the grocery shopping cart handle, which is how I think you got Rubella TWO WEEKS before you were supposed to be immunized against it. You are such a little stinker! It was a rough week for you and it made me even more determined to protect you and your sister from preventable diseases with your vaccination schedule! No fun!

You are a michevious little boy who loves to play and chase your sister down the hall. You love dogs and I really wish Stella wasn’t so cranky when it came to you guys, but she is 13 and a displaced Empress, so I can’t be too mad at her for it. You are a really good eater and your favorite food this summer has been canteloupe. You could eat an entire canteloupe in one sitting if I let you! One of your favorite things to do is to go swimming- you LOVE the water and could float around the lake or pool all day if we let you, but your skin is so fair that I am nervous about sunburn, so we don’t usually stay out that long. You do most of your splashing in the bathtub for now.

You also seem to love music and drumming on things. You start “dancing” when music comes on by sitting up straight and gyrating across the floor. Cute now, but you better pick up some more kosher moves by the time you get to Jr. High, Mister! I can’t wait to watch what else comes out in your personality as the months go on. I love you!

Aubrey,

You are getting so big. The past three months have really shown me that you aren’t my baby girl any more. You aren’t afraid of things like you used to be and you thrive on the idea that you are brave. You are brave about a lot of things- jumping into the pool, peeing in a public toilet (you used to FREAK OUT if you had to pee in a big toilet), and meeting new people, to name a few. You also seem to understand the concept of going through something hard in order to get a better result. You hated getting your shots this month, but you kept saying you knew it would help you not get sick afterwards. I am sure the millions of stickers, bubbles and TV shows I let you watch didn’t hurt, either.

You also show that you grasp this concept in your gymnastics class. You used to be terrified to do your back walkover by yourself,  but once you realized you could and how proud we were of you for it, it’s one of your favorite things to do. You are starting to learn that putting effort into something you care about really can be rewarding. If I had to predict how you’ll be when you get older, I’d have to say that you will be very responsible. You are always looking out for your brother and protecting him. You never have a problem with cleaning up your messes, but you still protest the injustice of me asking you to pick up something that Tristan messed up. You also love learning Spanish. I am trying to teach you a new word every couple of days, and it helps that your favorite TV show is Dora. If Dora speaks Spanish, you want to speak Spanish too.

Speaking of Brother, you are such an amazing big sister. It almost makes me want to have another one. You have never tried to hurt him or acted jealous of the extra attention I had to give him when he was younger. You have your buddy in the backseat of the car and every trip to the store is you entertaining him with silly faces and making him laugh really hard. You share your toys with him and always want to jump into his crib when you hear him wake up.

On the night of your 4th birthday, we started having you sleep in panties. Potty training wasn’t exactly a walk in the park with you, so I was nervous and stocked up on detergent when we decided to do this. But you are 4 now, which is way too old to be wearing diapers. The first night you were so nervous about peeing in the bed that you got up every 3 minutes to squeeze out 2 drops of pee. We finally assured you that if you had an accident, it was ok and that you wouldn’t be in trouble. After that you fell fast asleep. The first 3 nights, I woke you up at midnight to pee. You would sleepily sit on the toilet and tell me thank you for not letting you have an accident, wipe yourself and go right back to bed. After that, you did perfect and we haven’t had one accident! Big girl! The only slightly embarrassing thing about this is that when strangers ask you how old you are, your response is, “I’m 4 and I sleep in my panties. I don’t pee in my bed, though”.

You are both such gifts and I feel like I fail you every day. You deserve the best and I hope that you know how much I love you even though I am not a perfect mommy. Thank you for being the best things I have ever accomplished in my life. Maybe by the time I post again, it will be below 100 degrees (we are going on day 25 in a row so far!).

Love, Mommy

Pool time!

Weeeeeeeee!

Playing together at the zoo.

Chillin with Daddy on the boat.

At Sara Sara Cupcakes for her birthday.

Rapunzel Birthday Party

I was taught, through different methods of discipline, that the parents were the boss. Sure, there were times when I was a teenager that I thought the world revolved around me, but that truth in the back of my head- the one that said, if you do this, you will be SO BUSTED- kept me from doing anything awful enough to permanantly damage myself or get arrested. There was always that mixture of respect and fear when I was little to obey and to know that there would be consequences for my actions. The earliest I can recall of my life was when I was about 3 1/2, and I knew my parents (especially my dad) meant business. They were not the type to make empty threats (something I am super guilty of with my own kids). I don’t have a problem with the way I was raised- I was never abused or beaten, and I always knew and felt that my parents loved me and had my best interests at heart. This is all hindsight, of course- I’m sure if you asked me, as a 13 year old if I thought my phone time being taken away was abusive, I’d have tried to turn my parents in to the police!

Anyways, I feel like when I’ve had an issue with Aubrey, I’ve tried everything in the book. She hasn’t been spanked many times, and that’s not because I am a wimp about it (even though I am- I hate spanking her. I totally get why my parents said they didn’t want to do this in my pre-spanking talks…). It’s just that other things have worked better for her. She is going ot be the kind of kid who will be much more hurt by “I’m dissapointed in you” than a spanking. There are obviously occasions where it’s necessary and something that happens if she’s been warned, but we try our best to explain to her why she’s getting spanked and then have her apologize for her behavior and give hugs after. She rarely goes back and does the same thing again- it’s definetly effective in that area.

But let’s face it, kids do stuff they shouldn’t all day, every day. It’s part of them learning their world, testing their boundareis and you as a parent setting up those parameters in which they will operate as you raise them. I can’t just be swatting her little butt every time she smarts off or refuses to pick up her toys. Different situations call for different solutions. I just want to share a couple of things that have worked for us, then I’m curious for your input!

Refusal to eat: This is a problem we won’t have with Tristan, as he eats everything from salad to dog food. Aubrey, on the other hand, hates to eat. Mealtimes are always unpleasant and take forever, because she simply can’t be bothered with food. She is picky, yes, but it’s more of an attitude of not wanting to eat, PERIOD, rather than not wanting to eat certain things. We also don’t put up with with most of that crap- I am NOT the mother who makes a different meal for the picky eater and everyone else eats the same thing. If she doesn’t like it, too bad. Anwyays, I tried everything- taking away her shows, making her sit at the table until everything was gone (didn’t happen- bedtime rolled around and I angrily gave in), having her help me make the food so she’d have pride in eating it, sticker charts (worked for awhile, it was a slot on her rewards chart along with peeing in the potty and picking up her toys, then when she was potty trained I slacked off on the chart), and, on occassion, spankings.

You know what worked? My awesome friend Nicole came over and got on the floor with Aubrey, some markers and a piece of posterboard the size of a place mat. She had Aubrey help her draw, in 4 different corners, foods from the food groups that she needs to eat from. Then they decorated a plate in the middle. When Aubrey eats the food on her plate that goes in each food group, she gets to pick out a sticker and put it in the group. If she gets a sticker in each group from each meal, she gets a small prize (think BIG HUG FROM DADDY or Watch Dora in the car). If, at the end of the day, she’s eaten 3 square meals, she gets a bigger prize from her prize box (I just took her to the dollar store and let her pick out a bunch of stuff she’d like to have). You know what? The VERY FIRST MEAL, it worked! She ate ALL her food. This was a big deal, but I decided to wait to see if she ate her other meals before getting excited. It’s been 4 days now and she’s eaten VERY well. Thank you, Nicole! Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to find something that works, because I was so wrapped up in my frustrations that I couldn’t come up with something that creative.

Refusal to pick up her toys/room: Aubrey LOVES to play. I LOVE to be a homemaker. I had no problem picking up after her when she was younger and didn’t get the concept of having responsiblity. When she turned 3, though, I knew she understood how it works. She cleans up after her class with the other kids at church and school, and her daycare was great about teaching them  how to contribute as well. Sometimes I will go into her room and it’s completely trashed. I’ll tell her to clean up and she’ll respond by whining, “but it’s hard work!”. Yes honey, yes it is. This is one of the few instances in her young life where I say “Welcome to the real world, kid” and start teaching her purposefully about how to function properly in society. I don’t want to raise a kid who feels entitled to do whatever they want and have their parents pick up their mess for them. This is not how it’s going to work when she starts school full time and it’s not a character flaw that I want to cultivate. I don’t want her to go to a friend’s house, trash it and then think it’s okay to leave it like that because “Mommy will pick it up”. So, when she says its hard work, I say tough cookies. I will help her with the bigger things (she still doesn’t make her own bed, for instance- it’s a bit big for her and in a corner of the room so it’s hard to tuck the bedspread in), but she is perfectly capable of putting her dolls back in their house and her crayons back in the box. She bucks against it, but at the end when everything is clean she takes a lot of pride in it. This is one area where I feel like I am succeeding and not failing when it comes to discipline and raising her!

Talking back/arguing: Oh, Lord. This one is my hot button, for sure. I absolutely cannot stand being fed excuses or foot stomping or her disobeying me. This is where I am completely reactionary and not proud of all the yelling I do. I am a horrible example and I own that. If she talks back or argues, I argue right back. I am guilty of engaging in the nonsense, and if I can keep my wits about me, this is where the threat and follow through of a spanking just nip it in the bud. I don’t always resort to spanking. I think too many spankings too often lead them to think it’s a game or to lose the “fear” of it and it’s not as effective. Usually me asking if she wants a spanking will show her I mean business, because she doesn’t get spanked much. I also didn’t start spanking her til she was 3- any younger and she probably would not have understood WHY she was getting it and just lead her to fear me, which I don’t want. Anyways, That’s the only thing that works right now but I’d LOVE some suggestions from you all about what works for you!

There is always the best method that I wish worked for everything- positive reinforcement and redirecting. Unfortunetly as their little personalities develop and they test their boundaries more, that’s just not always going to work. I need to work on praising her for the good, for sure! But I also take very seriously my responsibility to raise a respectful, responsible and caring child. Letting her get away with everything and treating her mother like the maid is not going to accomplish that.

In the end, I think it’s a balance. I’m still finding my footing, but I would love to know how you discipline/praise your kids and what worked for your family! Share away!

Dear Aubrey and Tristan,

The past four months have flown by so fast! In February, I turned 29. Yes, that sounds as old to me as it will to you one day. I always said I wanted to be done having kids by 30, so if I want one more I have a lot of convincing to do with your father. He says that if I want a 3rd kid I need a 2nd husband, but we’ll see what happens.

The last time I wrote, Tristan, you were very close to crawling. Now you are very close to walking! You crawl everywhere, never want to be held and are into everything! You are such a curious, mobile little guy. Your sister was always content to sit on her blanket and play with her toys at your age. You, however, barrel over your toys in pursuit of Stella. That poor dog. She is very patient with you and even though your favorite thing to do is pull her ears, she’s never bitten you. You are SUCH a good eater! You have 3 teeth now! You eat whatever I put on your plate, and if I forget to cut it into tiny pieces for you, you shove the entire thing in your mouth and start to gag. The last time I tried that was with a tortilla, because, come on, what baby can fit an entire tortilla in their mouth? That would be you, little sir.

You are a very easy baby, much like your sister. You are on a great sleep schedule and still think that Aubrey is the coolest thing on planet Earth. Since you are so mobile, unless you are sleeping, if I want a shower I put you and her in your crib with a bunch of toys and let her entertain you for the 6 minutes it takes me to get clean! You have taught me so much these past 4 months- your innocence is always refreshing, I can now shower and be ready for the day in about 20 minutes (makeup and all! YES!), my multi-tasking skills have increased and my patience has grown. You are so fun and awesome, and I can’t believe you are almost one. Where has the time gone? I love you little man!

Aubrey, since I wrote about you in January you have blossomed even more. You started swim lessons and it went just as I predicted. The first lesson, you refused to get into the pool except for your feet, even though your cousins Grace and Sophia were with you. The second lesson, you put most of your legs in the pool, but I had to sit right next to the pool, and the wet stains on my butt were a wee bit embarrassing, but I wanted you to know that I was rooting for you! Today, a month later, you walked happily over to your teacher, put your floaty on and jumped right in, giving me and Aunt Carrie some good time to watch you swim and catch up on life. I am so proud of you, and even though it can be frustrating trying to get you to do new things, once you decide you want to do it, you are all in! I can’t wait to see how that determined spirit takes you in life. No matter what, I will be right there by the “pool”, cheering you on!

I got you enrolled in Pre-K for the fall. I am super conflicted about this. On the one hand, I knew this day would come. School, every single day, from 8:15-10:45 am. Gag. You are going to hate getting up that early, but you are going to love all your new friends and teachers. School is definitely your thing, you are such a social little butterfly. It was really hard for me to enroll you in a public school, because I went to private school my whole life and am worried that you will get swallowed up in the system. I see all this crap going on with bullying and think of how small you are, but then I remember your big (sometimes bossy) personality and know that you will probably be able to hold your own. It motivates me to cultivate trust between us- I always want you to feel like you can talk to me. Listen to me, acting like you are 12 when really, you turn 4 in June. You are obsessed with the movie Tangled and would watch it all day, every day if I’d let you, so we are in the beginning stages of planning a Rapunzel birthday party and figuring out how to turn your swingset into a tower. You are so much fun and a good little girl! You are my favorite Miss Cat!

Another thing that’s happened in the past 4 months that has affected our family is that Ryan and I bought and opened a snow cone stand, Summer Snow. It’s been a lot of work to get it off the ground, but it’s going well and even though we don’t let you have much, you both really, really like snow cones! It’s a good way to add to our savings and it would be really cool one day to have you working on it with us!

Summer is coming and I can’t wait for all the zoo trips, lake trips and backyard fun we will have! You two are so fun and you slow me down while giving me perspective. You turn 1 and 4 in June and I know the following years will fly by just as fast. I love you and promise to be better with my newsletters for the rest of the year!

Love, Mommy

Fast forward to my 29th year, and I am a huge vaccine advocate. I am not going to regurgitate a bunch of statistics skewed in my favor, or have this mommy blog pose as some sort of medical resource. I am simply going to state why I have chosen to vaccinate my children and why I would never have it any other way. I’m sure it will upset some, and I wish I could say that I totally felt that everyone could do their own thing, it’s up to the individual families. But I don’t feel that way. I am just being honest about it. I feel that if people keep following the trend to refuse vaccinations for their children, my daughter will end up seeing an eliminated disease like Polio come back in full force. I didn’t even know what Polio WAS growing up, just that President Roosevelt had it and that’s why he was in a wheelchair. It saddens me to see preventable diseases with horrific consequences even having a chance to come back and be a part of American life. It’s almost a testament to American arrogance to think that just because Polio doesn’t exist in this country, that it’s not a plane ride away. One infected person from, say, Africa, gets on a plane, heads into a community of unvaccinated people and bam, Polio is back. Scary.

So here are a few of my reasons for making sure my kids are up-to-date on their shots according to the immunization schedule:

1) Unlike many antivaxxers that I’ve seen online (Facebook groups and blogs, mainly), I *gasp* TRUST MY PEDIATRICIAN. I don’t think he is a money-grubbing douchebag, trying to poison my children so he can get more money. He is a family practitioner, he is always busy, and he has a family of his own. He doesn’t need to “make more kids sick” (many AVers say that doctors give vaccinations b/c the side effects=more office visits, hard to wrap my head around that, but whatever) so he can make more money- I have a feeling the man is doing just fine in the finance department. He was a friendly, caring ear when I was having trouble breastfeeding. He did everything he could to help me get through postpartum depression while recommending that I still breastfeed. His simple suggestions had Tristan sleeping through the night right away. He remembers my children by name, asks about the family, praises my efforts as a mother and, I believe, sincerely cares about my children. He is LOATHE to prescribe antibiotics unless absolutely necessary and is helpful with giving other options for treatment before resorting to antibiotics. When I WAS doubting my decision to vaccinate Tristan, he spent about 30 minutes with me (a long time in a pediatricians office) discussing the book in question and listening to my fears. He shared personal stories with me about his own children, their experiences, and an experience he had as a resident where he watched a 6 month old die, gasping for air through broken ribs due to whooping cough (a completely preventable disease). Tragic. He is a human being, he is in this to help people be well and healthy, and I trust him when he says that vaccines are safe and that he recommends that I stick to the schedule. Done deal.

*Side note, I am not really looking for anyone to argue with my stance in the comments, but if someone can explain this to me, go ahead, b/c I’m curious. Many antivaxxers demonize Big Pharma and say the vaccine industry=$$$. How exactly does that motivate a doctor to encourage people to vaccinate? I mean, does Merck send my doctor a check for a percentage of the vaccines he dishes out to all the kids that come see him? I fail to see the connection*

2) The fact that anyone can get exempt from vaccinating their children for any reason, to be honest, scares me. I understand that vaccination does not equal immunity. I know that even though Aubrey has had a chicken pox vaccine, if some kid at her school goes to a pox party over the weekend, doesn’t show signs that they have it, goes to school and gives her a hug as they greet each other on Monday, she could still get it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think chicken pox is life threatening or anything, I had it as a kid and, aside from a few ugly scars, it was no biggie (but for some kids, it can be very serious and damaging). Still, the principle of the matter is what bothers me. If you want to expose your child to these things, that’s your deal (even though I don’t get it at all). But do you have to expose it to mine? We all want to be like, “to each his own”, but since we live in community with one another and this world is getting smaller every day, that doesn’t really fly. My decisions affect you and vice versa. Nothing we do it only for us. The ripple effect of me, say, eating an orange at lunch will most likely stick to its digestion in my body. The ripple effect of me, say, thinking Aubrey’s runny nose is allergies and sending her off to school only to find out later that she was in the beginning stages of the flu, on the other hand, will affect every kid in her class and make me very unpopular with the other moms. All I’m saying is this- we don’t get to live in our own bubble of ideals. No one is ever going to agree on everything, I get that. But the idea that people other than me and Ryan making decisions that can affect the health of our children really worries me. I trust God and know that He is the Healer, and that He is the only one who can completely protect my children. That is the bigger umbrella and hope that I have. It doesn’t mean those worries and thoughts don’t creep into my head every now and then, though.

3) I believe that vaccinations are safe and that they work. One of the arguments I have seen in researching vaccines is that “if vaccines are so effective, why do you have to get a booster every once in a while?”, as if the effects of something wearing off is a reason to not get it. I see it like this: if my car runs out of gas, I don’t abandon it on the side of the road and say to hell with it. No, I go fill it up with gas so it can keep taking me where I need to go. The same concept goes for vaccinations. I believe that vaccines are safe. I don’t belive that vaccines put any more foreign things into my children’s bodies than the environment does. Thimerisol was eliminated from vaccines completely by 2002. Study after study after study has shown that there is no link, NO LINK between vaccines and autism. (Side note, and an encouraging one- many families are finding that changes in diet dramatically change the functionality and life of an autistic child. That right there should show that vaccines don’t cause autism, and that there is hope that we are on the path to finding a way to prevent, treat and cure autism.) If you are breastfeeding, you are passing more aluminum into your baby’s body than a shot would. Our water, the air we breath, the food we eat, etc. all have more of the “dangerous” components of vaccines than the actual vaccine does. If you are on the fence about this, please check out Paul Offit’s book “Deadly Choices”. It is chock full of scientific facts and his passion for a world free of disease for our children is evident and touching. This is also a good motivator for me to keep our family’s diet as “clean” as possible, and to visit the chiropractor regularly to keep our immune system’s up. I completely redid our budget to add more money to the food budget so I could buy more food at the farmer’s market and invest in things like daily probiotics, as well as eliminate a lot of the “meals in a box” type food from our pantry. It takes planning and a lot more time, but taking those environmental factors out of my kids’ bodies whenever possible is something I am willing to invest the time and money into.

4) Touching on the idea of community again, I will say this: I believe that vaccinating my children is part of my Christian duty. Now, don’t go getting all pissy and twisting my words. I said MY Christian duty, not yours. This is my personal opinion for my personal life and my personal family. I feel SO STRONGLY about this that I see it as part of my faith. I am not saying that you are not a Christian if you skip the shots. I am not saying that you are a bad parent or damaging my family if you skip the shots. This is just how I feel about my situation. The more I learn about faith and community, the more I realize that my life is not my own, and the decisions that I make will affect more than the 4 people living in my home. I believe in herd immunity- that the more people vaccinated the better, because there are people who CAN’T be vaccinated. Infants, the elderly, and people with no immune system due to cancer or other diseases rely on the rest of us to guard them from something that could kill them. I see it as part of my duty to watch out for “the least of these” and to protect, in any way I can, those who are exposed to something that could be life-threatening for them. This is something personal to me that I feel convicted about. Don’t read into this as me telling you anything, because I’m not. I’m telling you why I vaccinate my family, not why you should.

Finally, I’m not trying to convince anyone to come to my side who might disagree with me. I’m not trying to pose as a good resource for you to make your decisions from. I’m just a mom, doing the best I can to keep my kids healthy while considering others at the same time. It’s a daily struggle for me to trust that God holds my children in His hands better and more completely than I ever can or will. I think any mom on any side of the issue will agree that we are all doing our best to do what’s best for our families. I’m just putting this out there to explain why I’ve come to the conclusions that I have. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, and I’ll own it, but there just isn’t enough evidence to convince me otherwise. This whole issue is emotional and controversial. Who doesn’t want to see their kids healthy and protected? Who enjoys seeing their baby get jabbed with a needle? Who wants to see eliminated diseases come back and be something our kids have to deal with, again? No one. I’m not trying to invite a healthy debate- “debates” on this subject are rarely productive and more often damaging. I’ll close this with a quote from Herman Melville that sums it up well for me:

“We cannot live only for ourselves.  A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men”.  ~Herman Melville

At the moment, the food of choice is blueberry muffins. I had bought a couple of cheap bag mixes, but she goes through them so fast that I have run out. This, coupled with my heightened efforts to prepare “real food” for my family lead me to try my hand at making them from scratch. I found this recipe pretty easily, and since I’ve been stocking the pantry with more “whole food” choices, I already had whole wheat flour, raw honey and frozen blueberries on hand.

I’ve never cooked anything from scratch with whole wheat flour, and it’s going to take some trial and error before I get it right. The batter was very lumpy, and it’s supposed to be, but it just seemed extra lumpy with the different flour:

Since Aubrey thinks anything miniature is “just her size”, anytime I can make something small for her, I do. Thanks, Santa, for bringing her a little muffin kit for her stocking!

Using whole wheat seems to make them more dense, but they turned out beautiful, with that “homemade” look, and they tasted great too! Next time I think I will use more honey and half whole wheat, half white flour. I am going to freeze half of this batch for future breakfasts and rest easy knowing that, if nothing else, at least Aubrey will get a good breakfast to start her day tomorrow (even if that’s all she eats, all day long)!

Do you have any go-to meals that your kids love? Please share with me!

That’s the thing about hormones, as any man who has lived with a PMSing woman can tell you. They just make you crazy, mean, cranky and sad for absolutely no other reason than the fact that your body is out of whack. That’s what makes PPD so hard to recognize, and that’s what makes it such a guilt-inducing condition.

Most doctors will toss an anti-depressant your way and it will even you out back to normal until you can stop taking them. My situation was a little different. First of all, I used to be on anti-depressants in college. Taking those for about 6 months classified me as having a “pre-existing condition” and hurt insurance rates when I tried to buy an individual plan. They worked, and got me through a rough time, but I didn’t want to add that to my record again. Also, I don’t even have insurance, so a visit to my doctor to even talk about it was going to put me out $80, not to mention the cost of the medicine with no insurance. I am not anti-medicine, doctor, or anything else out there. I try to live my life eco-friendly and make conscious decisions about what goes into my body. That being said, I don’t think doctors are a bunch of greedy a-holes trying to shove drugs down my throat. I truly believe that most people become doctors because they want to help people, and modern medicine/vaccinations are the reason we are all alive today.

That said, going to the doctor was not an option for me at the time. Ryan’s catering had dried up and there was zero money for anyting but bills. Thankfully, I am on WIC and was able to meet with a counselor at the Health Department for free. She really helped me with an unbiased perspective and gave me some things to try at home to help. I think they were more of distractions, but they helped.

I am not sure about the moment that the tiny speck of light appeared, but I know that Tristan sleeping longer really did help me to have a clear head during the day about what was really going on. I still had my days where I saw absolutely no point in getting out of bed, other than my baby was screaming in the other room. I felt unable to handle anything extra- I even stopped using cloth diapers for two months because the thought of an extra load of laundry gave me a panic attack. Any little thing that went wrong, whether it be Aubrey having an accident during her nap or Ryan having to stay at work an extra hour, completely set me off. Everything suddenly became the End Of The World.

My poor husband. He really had no idea what to do. On the outside, I should have been happy. I have healthy, thriving children. The oldest goes to Mothers Day Out twice a week for a full day, and the youngest takes 3 naps a day. I don’t have to work and my days are pretty easy (but busy!). We have a roof over our heads, reliable cars, money in savings and family that is nearby. He kept trying to convince me of why I should be happy, which only made me feel worse. I KNEW I should be happy. So, why couldn’t I be?

I finally came out of the fog when I did these things:

1) I started sleeping more

2) I started taking time for myself (going to the gym, going to get a coffee, locking myself in the bathroom for an hour to paint my toenails, etc).

3) I started talking about it without feeling any guilt (to the therapist).

4) I prayed (DUH! Should have done that in the first place).

There is something so liberating about being able to say, “God, I don’t know why I feel like this. I know it’s not what you want for me or my children. Please take this from me, I give it to you and I am not going to carry it alone anymore!”. I felt sooooo alone in all of my pain. I came to realize that Jesus understands what I go through when no one else can. It comes without judgment or shame, just the wrapping of his Love and the healing that it brings. I could totally freak out to God about something and He’d be right there to hold me instead of convince me why I shouldn’t feel that way or to give me a list of things to cheer me up.

6 months after the onset of Postpartum Depression, I can now say with confidence that I am over the worst. I did it without drugs, but I was willing to go there if need be. I got through it because my husband did research and began to understand that he couldn’t understand. I got through it because family members recognized that I needed a break from the kids and friends recognized that I needed lunch with an adult. I got through it because God cares for his children and wants nothing but His Best for us. I still have my dark moments and days, but they are few and far between, and now I know that My Father is willing to take it right out of my hands and handle it for me.

Disney has a song from one of my favorites, Beauty and the Beast, that explains how I feel about PPD now:

Through the mist

Through the woods

Through the darkness and the shadows

It's a nightmare but it's one exciting ride

Say a prayer

Then we're there

At the drawbridge of a castle

And there's something truly terrible inside

It's a beast

He's got fangs

Razor sharp ones

Massive paws

Killer claws for the feast

Hear him roar

See him foam

But we're not coming home

'Til he's dead

Good and dead

Kill the Beast!



Indeed, this Beast is Dead. 

Enter two key ingredients: The Farmers Market and the slow cooker. I try to get most of my staples there first before heading to the big bad Walmart. I love Walmart, I love convenience, but I love knowing exactly where my food came from too. I love talking to the people who grow the food and hearing about their passion for farming. Does it cost more than going to a discount store? Yes. But the food is fresher, less processed and way more fun to buy. One thing that I’ve really had to fight is wanting to pay less for meat. I finally gave in and bought a whole chicken a few weeks ago, which I blogged about. It was big, and I got several meals out of it. I bought another one last week and plan on finding more ways to stretch it this time. I love these suggestions from Heavenly Homemaker to start with! If I can really get six meals from one chicken (that cost me $9), that means that I will have spent less than $2 per meal for a family of 3 (Tristan still prefers his bananas at the moment). My $9 goes much farther than a $7 bag of steroid-injected chicken breasts normally do!

So, I’ve had this pork loin sitting in my freezer for a while now, and I keep waiting for Ryan to make it. He’s not interested, so after seeing a friend’s recipe on Facebook the other day I decided to toss it in the slow cooker. I simply thawed it out, browned all sides, and tossed it in the slow cooker with garlic powder, salt, pepper and carrots. I cooked it for about 8 hours and when it was done, it pulled apart so easily! It was really good served alongside some potatoes and a salad. I forgot to take pictures of it all together, but here are some leftovers:

Normally, leftovers don’t fare well in our home. We forget about them and only find them when we go in search of the strange smell coming from the fridge. This time I was determined to make the most of this meat! With the leftover meat, I made pork street tacos for dinner tonight. I chopped up some spring onions that I’d gotten at the Farmers Market last week and sauteed them with some olive oil in a pan for a few minutes. I finely chopped about 1/2 of the meat shown above and tossed it in the pan to warm. While that was cooking, I cut up an avocado, grated some cheese, chopped some cilantro and heated up a can of black beans and corn tortillas (thank-you, WIC!). Here is our dinner, which fed 3 adults and 1 very picky child:

YUM.. And I still have enough meat for dinner tomorrow: pulled pork sandwiches. I’ll just heat the meat up with BBQ sauce (homemade, grandma’s recipe which I’ll post later) and put it on a whole wheat bun. 3 great, easy meals, all using a pork loin that cost me about $10. I LOVE MY SLOW COOKER! With a little bit of planning, I can get a good dinner made with minimal effort, and cooking something all day long just makes it taste better.

My next picture has nothing to do with a slow cooker, but I wanted to share this recipe I got from Joyful Abode for granola bars. The investment in the beginning is more than just buying a box of bars,but it pays for itself after one batch and they taste SO GOOD. I’ll eat one for breakfast or as dessert. Try them out, it’s super easy and tasty!