I could live with this.
Hunting and Fantasy Football, oh my!
I have come to accept the fact that while the fall brings a welcome relief to my constantly sweating scalp (gross, I know, and equally annoying), it also brings me to my widowhood. I used to say that I became a “deer widow” on October 1st- the first day of bow season. I could pretty much count on spending the weekend alone from October to February. Luckily for Ryan, I can be bought, so as long as I got mall money everytime he left, I was a wonderful contributor to America’s economy. When I had the baby, he definetly recognized that he couldn’t be gone every weekend and I was very grateful for it. I also realized that hunting for him is like hunting for me, only he is hunting animals and I am hunting bargains in the back of The Gap. We all need time for ourselves, so over the years of our marriage I have made an effort to keep the whining about abandoment to a minimum.
I’ll never understand the appeal of spending a ton of money for a deer lease, plus a ton of money for ammo, gas, meat processing, and antler mounting just for the pleasure of sitting in a tree in the Oklahoma wind, with nary an ipod for company, staring across a field for one shot at a poor little animal just trying to eat. However, I always get a Coach purse and shopping money out of the deal so I keep my mouth shut. 
All that to say that while I enjoy getting to shop and go to Tulsa for the weekend a lot in the fall, I don’t enjoy being away from Ryan so much. Much as we rag on each other, we are pals and like being with each other. So my new form of widowhood is much more enjoyable, albeit deviod of trips to the mall and that matching Coach wallet. You know what I’m talking about ladies, and that would be the Fantasy Football widow.
This long-suffering soul routinely gives up the flat screen TV (hey! I wanted to watch my DVR’d episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8!) AND the computer for the sake of watching games and checking stats online. She outwardly sighs about all of the football but secretly hopes that ESPN would show one more shot of Brett Favre. She makes dip and sets out chips and catches up on her reading as her husband whoops in delight, teaches the baby about running backs and posts trash talk on the message board.
The thing I like about FF is that Ryan is relaxing and having fun, and he is doing it at home. I roll my eyes sometimes about the obsession, but the truth is that I enjoy our lazy fall Sundays, with football in the background and time together in the foreground. I asked if I could join his league this year, and he laughed at me.
Guess he’s scared I’ll whoop him with all my secret knowledge
Props to the single parent
It’s been quite the week for me, and not necessarily in a good way. I feel as though my week was going as Angie’s (as told by her husband Jeremy) did after her vacation- everything was against me. I say this lightly because comparatively, my life is so easy and happy. But I wasn’t thinking that last week when I woke up last Monday morning and felt the razor blades in my throat. I had gone to Tulsa for the weekend with my sister-which was great- but somewhere between here and there I inhaled some dust or something because I woke up feeling awful.
I was not happy about the throat infection and migraines that resulted in a trip to the doctor, a huge needle in my hip (OW) and a note instructing me not to go back to work until Monday. Normally I would have been really excited about having a week off, but since I was so sick that Aubrey still had to go to daycare (Ryan took her every morning), I just laid in bed praying for my head to just go ahead and explode already. I haven’t been that sick in a long time so I was glad when, 3 days of antibiotics later, I was able to shower and eat and do things that normal human beings do. I have also missed a lot of church, where most of my close relationships are so I can’t wait til Wednesday when I get to see everyone and hear what’s going on in their lives.
As soon as I got better, Ryan left for a fishing trip that he has been planning (and talking about) all summer. My mom was coming to town for the weekend so I didn’t throw the normal fit that I do when he dumps me for 4 days of not showering in search of a striper the size of a Labrador. I had a good weekend but was still a little weak so I was glad my mom was there to help me with the baby and everything else to do with weekend cleaning.
After she left, however, I started to feel the weight of being the only adult around. Ryan and I are equal partners when it comes to most things in our lives, especially Aubrey. I know this and appreciate it but I don’t tell him enough. I know there are a lot of dads out there who don’t change diapers or delight in getting puréed bananas sneezed into their face, but Ryan is one of those guys who does. We have our routine, we have worked it out to the point that we don’t even have to play rock paper scissors anymore on who gets up in the middle of the night for a bad dream.
He comes home today and needless to say, I am excited. Aubrey is a remarkably good child, but she’s cutting two teeth and misses her daddy so I am ready to see her smiles when we pick her up from daycare and I am definitely ready for some help! Instead of holding her on my hip as I vacuum while defrosting chicken for dinner, he can take her outside to watch the birds (its their thing- outdoorsy people) while I scramble around my house in an attempt to put it in order so I can sleep at night. I know, I know, that’s a whole other issue, one I am sure Aubrey will remedy as she gets older. J
This whole thing got me thinking though, about how many single parent families are out there. I know I am spoiled, but I just don’t know how they do it all and stay calm through it all. I suppose you just do what you have to do, but I have a lot of respect for people who do it, and do it well, without the day to day support from a spouse. So props to the single parents out there- your job is tough but I know your families appreciate the sacrifices you make out of love for them.
As for Ryan, I missed him being around too, not just because he helps with the baby or mows the lawn (hmm… that actually needs to be done after all this rain we’ve had…) but I’m ready to hear all about his big fish, feel safe at night, tell him how Aubrey took a step yesterday (!) and to hear him laugh. This week is going to be sooo much better than last week!
Ding Dong, OMG where is my cake?!
Hear that noise? It’s the sound of church bells and music. If you listen a little closer, you can hear gifts being wrapped and speeches being practiced. A little further into the noise and you hear phrases like “WHY ISN’T THE DVD SLIDESHOW PLAYING ANY SOUND?!” to “my mother is driving me insane with all the sex advice”. And even further into it are freakouts by the bride because her hair didn’t turn out right or freakouts by her grandmother because the janitor decided to sleep in that Saturday and no one can get into the church to decorate. Finally, at the end of the sound spectrum, louder than any yelling or freaking out, you hear that breathless whisper of the two people the wedding is all about- “I love him/her so much and I cannot wait to marry them”.
Those, among many others (including wailing and gnashing of teeth) are just a few sounds that came from my wedding day. I couldn’t sleep the night before so I packed and repacked my suitcase and ended up popping a sleeping pill b/c I knew it was going to be a long day. My hair looked fabulous at the salon but one step outside (on the hottest day of the year that far) and it went flat. 3 days before we had drama about the centerpieces and I felt torn the whole week before because I wanted to spend time with my family from Chile but I was doing wedding stuff. But, like most things in life, everything came together and it was a perfect day where I felt beautiful and loved.
One of the main things that got me through those hectic months before the wedding (you know, the semester that I took 18 hours so I could graduate, did my internship, worked 30 hours a week, coached cheerleading at SCU, and temporarily lost my best friend) was my bridal party. My bridesmaids were the best. They were there for me, let me whine, helped me make 400 ribbon wands, picked out dresses, and willingly forked over the ridiculous amount of cash it takes to just BE in a wedding. (Thanks girls. I know those celadon floor length dresses are doing you a lot of good sitting in the back of your closet) They showered me with Pampered Chef, lingerie, Corningware and pillowcases. I know I told you all that day how much I love you, but I’m saying it again! You rock!
So why all this reflection on weddings, you ask? Well, next weekend kicks off my 3 of the 4 weddings this year that I am matron of honor in. I have to admit, it’s a big job. I can throw a baby shower with my hands tied and blindfolded but wedding showers are different! Every wedding I have been in I was a bridesmaid, I showed up and partied but I never planned. So it has been a learning experience and in some ways, feels like a lot more pressure because hello, this is one of the most important days of their lives. I want to be the shoulder to cry on, the ear to freak out at, the one with the emergency sewing kit in my bag and have the answers to embarrassing but necessary questions.
Next weekend the first best friend is getting married. Amy is my oldest friend- we go way back to first grade. And now, she is marrying my husband’s best friend! I am so happy for them and excited about their wedding in Pensacola on the 27th. Not jumping up and down about the 6 a.m. sunrise ceremony, but its going to be awesome. I am so proud of Amy for never settling and for listening to the voice of God in her life. She was swept off her feet by her Prince Charming and I have seen how she and Daniel bring out the best in each other. She has been a model daughter, a loving sister, a loyal worker, and a wonderful best friend. I have zero doubts that she will be all those adjectives and more when it comes to being a wife. Congrats to the Purifoys, may you have many years together and oh, I dunno, about 17 children. Ha!
Next on the list: Natalie and Chassity. Don’t worry, your blogs are coming! J
3 years+30 year mortgage+kid= Grown-Up
3 years ago today was the hottest day of the year that far, I was sweating and getting really nervous. I wasn’t nervous about getting married, I was nervous about the wedding not going as planned. It turned out to be a bigger affair than I had envisioned, but my wedding was wonderful (albeit long- 1 hr and 20 minutes) and meaningful and one of the best days of my life.
I have been so blessed to have a man like Ryan in my life. He was my friend for years before anything else came about, and he saw me through some really hard times, even hard times with exes. He saw me for who I was, raw and broken and hopeless, but he still loved me. He lived out the love and forgiveness that God offers to us in a real way that opened my eyes more than any sermon or book could have. He knew the real me and still loved me, still saw the woman I could become and without him I am sure I would be a million steps behind in that journey.
Our first year of marriage consisted of working at the same place, lots of BBQs and eating at Chili’s, finding a new church and living in a 700 square foot house. We had fun, but there were also those hard times that just come along with learning to live with someone else (and for me, living with a boy was a HUGE adjustment).
The second year, we bought our first home in Yukon and had fun getting into debt and making it our own. I also got pregnant and we got rid of the 2 door Saturn and bought a sensible family car. I changed jobs and Ryan made his catering business official. It was kind of a stressful year just because of all the financial stuff, and planning for a baby. I knew I didn’t want to work after she was born, so we tried to plan for that.
The third year of marriage, we were blessed with a little baby girl and she changed our world forever. I quit my job, Ryan worked more and we stressed about money all the time. But she was worth it, every last generic piece of food we ate Aubrey has made us grow up, become better people and brough us closer together. I realized this year that Ryan and I are a team, and we make a good one! He is a wonderful daddy and Aubrey loves him. I went back to work after 7 months and this anniversary leaves us working our way out of debt, juggling family time with life in general, and trying to remember to cherish every minute of it.
Marriage is never easy, but its a wonderful thing and you can see why God saw it as the best option for families to function. Its hard work, its fun, its exhausting and frustrating, and very rewarding. And I can’t think of a person I would rather go through it with than my best friend.
I love you Ryan! Love, Kitty
